“If you don’t know where you want to go, how will you recognize it when you’ve arrived?”

What kind of relationship do you desire to have with your (step)parent or (step)child? What type of family life do you want? Once you clearly answer these questions then your motivation increases to achieve your desired outcome.

As the captain of your life, you chart the course you desire to follow with a destination point in mind. The only way to arrive at your desired destination is to begin the journey. Then navigate through the many opportunities, experiences, and challenges that come your way, and there are many in adult stepfamilies. A key element throughout your journey is your thought process. Your dominant thoughts—what you dwell on and focus your attention on—will be attracted to you. Once your mind is clear on what you want, your mind will work on a way to achieve it. Your purpose becomes you passion in pursuing your desired relationships.

Therefore, take time to dream. What do you want to have happen in your family relationships? Who do you want to become? Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. Share your dreams with a trusted family member or friend. Better yet, share it with your stepparent or stepchild with whom you want a better friendship. Your journey will include storms along the way. During these times, remember your WHY, your PURPOSE for happy, healthy relationships, for that will get you through the tough times.

            During the first few years after my dad remarried, I wanted a more fulfilling relationship with him and his wife. Yet unsettled feelings held me back. Interviewing other adult stepchildren and remarried parents helped me to understand my dad’s and his wife’s behavior as well as my own. We were all acting fairly normal. I also learned specific things I could do to improve our relationships. Now, we are happier and enjoy spending time together.

Clearly define and envision your desired outcome including details to attract help and resources to nurturing cherished friendships. Best wishes in developing a gracious family life.

Terri P. Smith, author, When Your Parent Remarries Late in Life (To order your copy from www.amazon.com, simply click on the book icon to the right.)

Posted: May 27th, 2008 under successful stepfamilies, stepfamily relationships.
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