While a student of martial arts, my instructors consistently taught us to practice the basics, the fundamental techniques of all movements. Knowing and practicing the fundamentals of any endeavor is paramount to success including building loving stepfamilies. Focusing on the fundamentals enables you to maintain a positive attitude as you interact. So what are some fundamentals of developing friendships with stepfamily members?             Desire, opportunity, and action are fundamentals that lay a foundation for loving relationships. Desire includes your mindset, the quality of your attitude, and your self talk. Do you want a healthy relationship with a new stepparent or stepchild? If yes, do you take advantage of opportunities to achieve it? Whether self-created or extended by another, opportunities abound to build friendships. Recognizing and acting upon these opportunities in a positive way nurtures loving relationships.            An underlying principle of successful mature stepfamilies is choice. You choose your desires, the opportunities you create or recognize, and your daily actions. Choice is the seed of all greatness. Your choices define your life, your level of commitment, and the nature of your relationships. Consider your desire, create opportunities, and choose daily actions leading to endearing friendships.            Choices based on desire for success indicate commitment to growth and achievement. A fundamental choice in loving stepfamily members is deciding to understand them in order to help or support them—there is power in improving lives. Understanding their wants and needs reveals what you can do to nurture friendships. A fundamental key of understanding stepfamily members is listening to discover their thoughts, their wants, and their needs. Learning to listen builds trust as others feel your sincere concern for them.             In your pursuit of happy, loving mature stepfamilies, consider the individuals involved, what you and they want, what you have to offer, and what you will do to succeed. If all else fails, pull yourself through with heart.  

Terri P. Smith, author, When Your Parent Remarries Late in Life. (To order your copy from www.amazon.com, simply click the book image on the right of the screen.)