Salutations to those moms and stepmoms who love and respect their children and their husband’s children. As a mother I am acquainted with the joys and disappointments, the tender moments and challenges of motherhood. As an adult stepchild, I am aware of some of the challenges of blended families. Mothers know that motherhood is not for the faint of heart, but that it requires total love, commitment, and dedication to raise and nurture children to be healthy, happy, responsible adults and to foster family unity. Becoming a stepmother requires these qualities plus more to ensure that both sets of children feel loved, respected, and included in the family.

            In my book a share an example of a stepmother of adult children who expected the children to struggle with their dad’s remarriage less than a year after their mother’s death. She was patient, loving, and kind as the children struggled through their emotions. Little by little the children began to recognize her kindnesses to them and the blessing she is to their dad. They are now grateful to have her as a member of their family.

            Several people I interviewed indicated that it took years to adjust to a parent’s remarriage. Often it was the (step)mother’s influence that positively or negatively affected the relationships. For you who may be wondering if there is a light at the end of the tunnel, take heart. Continue with good works and loving support. Remember Winston Churchill’s words, “Never, never, never, never, never give up!”

Terri P. Smith, author, When Your Parent Remarries Late in Life. (To order your copy from www.amazon.com, simply click the book image on the right of the screen.)

Posted: May 10th, 2009 under stepmother.
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            Springtime is teasing us in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains. Spring offers a breath of fresh air after the cold, dark winter. Warmer weather and longer days entice the flowers to push through the brown earth adding splashes of purple, yellow, red, and orange to the landscape. Then a cold front moves in causing the crocuses and tulips to close to protect themselves. The next day the warmth of the sun invites them to open up and expose their beauty. 

            How much like nature are we as individuals? When someone extends a hand of friendship or greets us with a warm smile or loving embrace, the hope of spring and better days enters our lives. But an unkind word, a skeptical glance, or an awkward gesture can cause us to close up to protect ourselves from a possible cold front. Many times we misjudge the behavior or communication of others and reciprocate with coldness. The other person may not have a clue for the purpose of the cold shoulder. Unfortunately, this occurs frequently in adult stepfamilies causing sadness and heartache. 

            As a stepparent or adult stepchild, we can take steps that invite others to open up and expose their beauty. First, maintain a positive attitude toward others. Second, do things that offer the hope of spring such as smiling, looking for the good in your stepparent or stepchild, giving them the benefit of the doubt during an awkward moment. A smile and kind word are often contagious. Third, be patient while awaiting warmer, brighter days. Many adult stepfamilies enjoy a gracious family life following a turbulent beginning. For some it takes a little longer than others but hope is always there

            After the initial shock of her dad’s remarriage wore off, Jan decided she wanted to welcome her new stepmother into her life. Jan talked with her on the phone, did crafts together, and planned family activities and dinners. Their relationship continues to blossom.

Terri P. Smith, author of When Your Parent Remarries Late in Life (to order your copy from www.amazon.com click on the book image on the right)

Posted: April 22nd, 2008 under successful stepfamilies, stepmother.
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